NO FREAKIN' WAY!
by ireallyamaguy
Summary: Just some random goofiness. Sora is insane and there are opium dens involved.
1. Chapter 1

**NO FREAKIN WAY!**

**Chapter 1**

Is that Sora?

Can I have your Autograph?

Give into the darkness you fools

Sora + ME: Who the fuck was that?!

Claire: Just ME!

Sora + ME: FEWF

Sora: I thought I was going to have to pull out the Keybla-

Claire: You said Phewph wrong.

ME: Who Claires?

Sora: Butterfly...

Claire: Don't turn my name into a Pun again or I wil-

ME: Or What? I don't Claire.

Claire: -l tell Sora who you really are.

Me: You wouldn't...

Sora: I stopped chasing mister butterfly!!!

Claire: So that is why you were so quiet...

ME: Give ME the Keyblade.

Sora: O.K...

ME: That was easy... Too easy.

SNAP

Sora, Claire, and ME turn around

Sora, Claire, and ME: NO FREAKIN' WAY!

Next time what was the mysterious sounding sound, who made it, will Sora ever find out about ME's identity, and what kind of butterfly did Sora chase? Find out next week on... NO FREAKIN' WAY!


	2. Chapter 2

**NO FREAKIN WAY!**

**Chapter 2**

This week on NO FREAKIN' WA-

Claire: It hasn't been a week since the last episode.

ME: How long has it bean?

Sora: Bean? Have you lost your IQ points?

ME: Shut up or your name will be spelled wrong.

Saro: like how would yo... Saro?? What the hell! Isn't that a weapon?

Clairu: That's arrow.

Saaru: Isn't that a bird?

Snare: That's sparrow.

SAURRAE: Isn't that syrup?

Cilare: That's Caro

Sawruaqua: I thought that was a series of islands?

ClAre: Those are the Caribbean

Sahara: I thou-

ME: ENOUGH already, we are running out of time and we still haven't gotten close to the relevent plot!!!

Syaoran: what does "Reil-ea-vant plua-it" Mean?

Calorie: STOP MESSING WITH OUR NAMES OR I WILL TAKE THE SHIT YOU ARE SPEWING AND SHOVE IT BACK UP YOUR ASS!!

ME: LANGUAGE Claire there are young people in the audience.

Claire: I DON'T GIVE A DAMN!

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

**THIS SHOW HAS BEEN TAKEN OFF AIR FOR INAPROPRIATE CONTENT**

Claire: But us back on air NOW!

**O.K. **

NO FREAKIN' WAY! WHAT WAS WAITING BACK AT THE SHOW WHEN WE WERE BUT BACK ON AIR? WILL WE EVER SEE A PLOT AGAIN? AND WILL THE QUESTIONS I ASKED LAST EPISODE EVER COME TO LIGHT? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON... NO FREAKIN WAY!


	3. Chapter 3

NO FREAKIN WAY!

Chapter 3

This randomly appointed time on NO FREAKIN' WAY. The secrets are being revealed-ish.

Claire, ME, Sora: NO FREAKIN' WAY

Priss: IT IS SOOORRRAAAAA!!!!! I MUST GLOMP THE SORA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sora: Oh, No a GIRL is trying to turn me into her toy!!! I must whack her with the Keyblade!

ME: But I have the Keyblade.

Sora: Well give it back.

ME: NO!

Claire: Um how come Priss hasn't GLOMPED Sora yet?

ME: Oh, I changed the fabric of reality so that she is stuck in slow motion until we get into the getaway car.

Sora: Nice thinking handsome...

ME: Oh just get in. you can make jokes later.

WILL THEY GETAWAY, IS SORA REALLY STRAIGHT, AND DO WE GET ANYMORE

CHARAC--- GIVE INTO THE CORRUPTION!


	4. Chapter 4

**NO FREAKIN' WAY!**

**Chapter 4**

THIS TIME ON NO FREAKIN' WAY! OUR HEROES HAVE JUST GOTTEN INTO THE GETAWAY CAR.

ME: I hope my use of the ability to bend reality doesn't have any unforeseen consequences...

Bam

CLAIRE: what was that!?

Sora: I think it is the 13 big black SUV's with the license plates that say IMMAFIA shooting at us with mechanically improved AK-47s. Loaded with a new type of bullet that has a 1/8-inch thick coating of a steel alloy to contain the minor qualities of Caesium, an alkali metal that as you know explodes on contact with water. So due to the high levels of humidity on destiny islands will result with an explosion when the outer shell is crushed by contact.

Claire: Huh?

ME: Think of it as very tiny explosives...

Claire: No I get that what I don't get is how Sora knew all that.

ME: It was probably a side effect of messing with the normal fabric of reality, along with how the Mafia is now trying to kill us, and how you suddenly can drive a whole lot better than The Transporter...

Claire: you've seen The Transporter?

ME: Yes!

SORA: NOT TO BURST your bubble but we need weapons to get out of here alive.

ME: OH, can't you just cast firaga on them?

Sora: I would need the Keyblade to do that.

ME: here you go; I think I will just start bending reality.

Claire: how do you do that?

ME: By writing.

SORA: One down...

Claire: UM, Me how come their is a giant butterfly flying over the city.

Me: That is Mothra, and it is here do to side effects.

POP

Sora: woah, a gun has just appeared in my hand.

ME: Yeah, start shooting already.

Bang

Claire: Sora, you idiot!!!!! You shot ME!!!!!

SORA: ME, ME, Don't die I Am sorry.

Me: I am fine except for the pain.

Claire: But, how?

ME: I Altered REALITY SO WE CANNOT DIE.

OH MY GOD OUR HEROES OUR IMMORTAL. WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON----&(&$& GIVE INTO THE CORRUPTION!


	5. Chapter 5

NO FREAKIN' WAY! Chapter 5 

This time on NO FREAKIN' WAY! Our heroes have managed to take out one of 13 mafia issue big black SUV's. Will they survive long enough to escape...

Claire : Of course WE will YOU F(!#& idiot!! WE are immortal YOU aren't!

ME: ARGH!!! It takes Sora Ten Firaga spells just to take out one SUV. and my bullets are doing nothing!

Claire: hey, you can bend reality just poof them gone.

Me: If I could than I would have already.

CAR: Damage to force fields 94.24687

Sora: The Car can talk?

ME: And it has a food synthesizer, a weather control system and is armed with three bombs that have a fifteen-foot blast radius.

Claire: And you haven't used them because...

ME: If I used them we would be blown to smithereens.

Sora: Smithereens! Me eat Brains.

Claire: What the fuck Sora? What in the fucking blazes did you get that synthesizer to make you?

Sora: giggle Caffeine!

ME: there are only six left. maybe you can lose them down that alley.

Claire: got it... OH NO, it is a dead end.

ME: I'll Write. "And our heroes were sucked into a vortex and teleported somewhere safer" And our heroes were sucked into a vortex and teleported somewhere safer

Sora: NO Mr. Butterfly I won't leave you!

Sora tries to get to Mothra but gets sucked in anyway.

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT TIME ON NO FREAKIN' WAY!


	6. Chapter 6

**NO FREAKIN' WAY!**

Chapter 6 

Me: Whoa we are in a reality vortex.

Claire: what does that mean Mr. brains?

ME: It means that reality isn't guaranteed to stay still...

Sora: MR BUTTERFLY! WHY? WHY? I LOVED YOU MR BUTTERFLY I WOULD HAVE KILLED FOR YOU FOR ME THAN YOU... EXEPT FOR UNICORNS AND GAY M---

ME: OK, I think we need to put Sora some psychiatri—

Claire: Oh no MY SORA is... is... GAY!!

ME: I am so sorry Claire, I know how much you wanted him...

Claire: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE ONLY REASON I CHOSE TO NOT COMMIT SUICIDE IS THAT I THOUGHT THAT I HAD A CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH SORA!

ME: wha...?

Sora: I want men and Butterflies!!!

Claire: TURN ME INTO A MAN, ME!!!!!

ME: Oh, Look we are coming out of the vortex.


	7. Chapter 7

**NO FREAKIN' WAY!**

Chapter 7 

Sora: cough, cough where are we and where did all of this smoke come from?

Weird Hippie: you are in my totally psychedelic opium den little dudes and dudette. And all the smoke comes from that mind-boggling substance.

Claire: maybe if I got Sora high enough he would mistake me as a boy...

ME: Ugh I can't stand this smoke. Hey Claire, remember when I was writing in the car well I sort of gave you the power to control earth and air to some extent. Do you think you can clear out some of this smoke.

Claire: I will try...

ME: wrong element, try again, but first... get these rocks off of ME!!!!!

Claire: Oops, I guess I am going to get Sora on to some serious drugs. and there is nothing you can do about it.

Mysterious Voice: Is that you Claire? what are you doing here?

Claire: Asher? I could ask you the same.

Me: I sort of teleported Sora, Claire, and myself here, by accident.

Asher: Sora?

ME: Yeah, you see I thought that the adventure would be more interesting if he was along...

Sora: I AM GOING TO KILL ALL THE HEARTLESS AND THEN I WILL MAKE RIKU LOVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!

Claire: I guess he had a bit to many drugs...

Hippie: and beer dudes.

Sora: LET US SEE ROXAS BEER I MEAN BEAT THA- hic...

ME: DON'T finish the sentence...

SORA: THAT.

POOF

SORA: well now I know I have had way to many hallucinogens cause I now have Roxas's body.

ME: I guess I should Have told him that I gave him shape shifting powers...

Asher: Oh my God, Roxas is so SEXY!!!

ROXAS: Oh my God, Asher is so SEXY!!!

ME: Okay, we are SO leaving.

Hippie: Not without paying. (pulls out gun.)

ME: hang on a second.

(AND OUR HEROES WERE SUCKED INTO A VORTEX AND TELEPORTED SOMEWHERE SAFER)


	8. Chapter 8

**NO FREAKIN' WAY!**

Chapter 8 

Asher: Sora, please get off of me. Just because I said you were sexy does not mean I will go gay for you.

Sora: No, I won't let go of my fufflescufums.

Claire: Um, ME why are there two small holes in the teleportation vortex?

ME: Oh, Those? that is just the natural degrading of a reused teleportation vortex.

Claire: YOU FUCKING IDIOT YOU LEFT THE VORTEX TO ROT AWAY ENOUGH THAT AN IDIOT LIKE SORA COULD JUST FALL OUT INTO THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!!!!!! I AM GOING TO FUCKING TAKE YOUR SORRY LITTLE ASS AND RAPE IT UNTIL YOU FUKING SCREAM.

SORA: Um, Claire is you all right?

Claire: NO!

ME: It might be a weird effect on reality like how Asher is now three inches taller, well muscled, tanned, has a Chinese type outfit on, and now has two jeweled daggers as weapons...

Asher: HA! TAKE THAT SORA, YOU WILL NEVER TRY TO RAPE ME AGAIN!! ME: Yeah, I'm going to bend reality now.

DROPS PENCIL IT FALLS THROUGH ONE OF THE HOLES IN THE VORTEX

ME: NO! MY PENCIL, I DON'T HAVE A SPARE ONE! I NEED A PENCIL TO BEND REALITY!! Claire: LOOK THERE IS THE FUCKING END OF THE VORTEX!

ME: I WON"T BE ABLE TO DO ANYTHING WITHOUT MY PENCIL! WHERE ARE WE LANDING?

EVERYONE: NO FREAKIN' WAY!!


End file.
